How to pretend you’re still an independent feminine feminist when you have a boyfriend.

1. “You can’t tell me what to do!”

What I find most liberating is doin’ what I want, when I want  - despite the 19 year old whimsical male on my hip. Going from a single lady to a long term relationship kind of agreement, I found the move from being by myself and having every move accommodated, to well me, and changing to carrying a male purse rather cumbersome at times. There are double my needs and half those needs aren’t for me.

What the eff.

This attractive post-adolescent man-boy not only weasled into my bed and my social life but also my schedule. Most hours of my day he fills them with Gchat, texts, sex, talking, pillow fighting; there had to be a line.

And that was any suggestion or command is responded with “No. I do what I want.” Any resistance is returned with a glare, a huff and an even louder declaration of want.

Grrrrrrls unite.

2. Any overtly sexual advance is responded with an “ugh” face.

It’s like he thinks he owns my body because we date.

Uh, hello. My body. Your hands. When I want to.

Duh.

And since when was I dating that creep from the bus stop? Ew. You’re my boyfriend, we make love – not sleazy fucking. Keep those sneaky public ass grabs to at least your kitchen.

3. Be “on top”

Post-feminism am I right?! I love being a slut and he loves me bopping away whilst moaning and running my fingers down his chest.

Plus my hair looks great when I whish it around.

4. Go shopping alone

I’m a feminine girl and wandering around Myer shoes department for an hour, at my own leisure and looking good.

And I’m empowered by my ability to be alone. So male companion eff off once in a while so I can bask in my intellectual and emotional independence from the male form and get into this shoe sale properly.

5. Don’t shave armpits or legs

Love my soul. Stop objectifying my supple and in shape body. Women should be equal to men, therefore since you don’t shave your face, legs, arms or genital region my legs and pits shall remain unshaven!

UntilsummerwhenIhavetowearabikiniandshorthingsandwhenpeoplewillseeandjudgemeforit.

Fucking society. Bitches.

6. Think private thoughts about dynamics of relationship and do not disclose to male partner 

Does he like me when I’m this annoying?

Has he noticed that I’m fighting just so that I’m still the dominant power in this couple?

Shit, he’s the nicer person – have people noticed?

Am I the hotter one?

Am I the better half?

Am I really shallow?

Is the more feminist than me?

Do I need to shave my legs?

Why does his exgirlfriend and friends think I’m a bitch?

When did I last shower – should I let him go down?

I haven’t been on top in a while – is he gaining power?

Why hasn’t he texted me first yet, it’s 11am?!